


I Told the Radio

by Resistance



Series: Nashville Predators [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Minnesota Wild, Nashville Predators, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 07:45:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resistance/pseuds/Resistance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shea hears song and can't help but think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Told the Radio

Never in my life have I actually talked to the radio. I make it a point not to talk to anything that can’t talk back to me, including my dog. Truth be told, most of the time I don’t even realize the radio is on, it’s just background noise so the house won’t seem so quiet when the boys are with him. I don’t know what made me listen to the song this time. I wouldn’t call Kenny Chesney my favorite, but I like him well enough. Yet something got me to stop and actually listen to this new song.

  _I turn the TV off, to turn it on again_  


_Staring at the blades of the fan as it spins around_

_Counting every crack, the clock is wide awake_

_Talking to myself, anything to make a sound_

“I’m not the only one,” I told the radio. There are plenty of songs about being alone and dealing with a lost love, that’s what makes up more than half of country music. Listening to country isn’t a ‘when in Rome’ thing, I listened before I got here, it just so happens I have my choice of station in this city. Most of the time in the locker room, it’s anything but country unless Hal gets to control the music that day, but in my truck and at home, that’s what I have. I was going to make a point to pick up this CD later, I liked the sound of this song. Until I started listening more.

_I told you I wouldn’t call, I told you I wouldn’t care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don’t think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

“No,” I told the radio, “I’m not going to do that again.” I’d done it once. I wasn’t strong enough once and I let him-- no, I didn’t let him, I wanted to be with him again. Even after everything he did, even after I knew he was with someone else, even after I knew he’d cheated on me. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with him. And I did. It wasn’t the same, of course. I hate it say it was better, but I think it was. It was something I’d never done before in my life, it was sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend, it was an affair. And it was exciting. Even if that affair was with my own ex.

_You can say we’re done the way you always do_

_It’s easier to lie to me than to yourself_

_Forget about your friends, you know they’re gonna say_

_We’re bad for each other, but we ain’t good for anyone else_

“It’s not that easy,” I told the radio. I could lie to my friends and I lied to myself, that was easy to do. I could convince them and myself that I didn’t want him back and that no matter what happened, I’d never take him back. But of course, that was a lie. And I think he knew it too. He looked at me like he knew it, like he knew how much I still want him. And he looked at me the same way. Every time he comes by to pick up the boys, he looks at me the same way. I try not to look, so I can tell him that I didn’t notice. But as easy as it is to lie to myself, it’s impossible to lie to him. Yet I still try. I keep trying to lie to him even if I know he can read me like a book. I wish that was true for him, too. I wish he couldn’t lie to me so completely and convincingly. I wish I could read him like he can read me.

_I told you I wouldn’t call, I told you I wouldn’t care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don’t think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

  
_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_  

“I won’t call him,” I told the radio. I didn’t tell the radio that I won’t care, though. I didn’t think even the radio would believe me. I wanted to get to the point where I could see him and not care. I wanted to get to the point that I could watch Wild games with Brooks and not want to throw things at the TV. I wanted to get to the point where we could civilly share custody and not make it uncomfortable for the boys. But I’m not there yet. Every time I see him I am torn halfway between wanting to kill him and wanting to kiss him and I don’t know how to change that. I don’t know how not to care.

W _e don’t have to miss each other, come over_  


_We don’t have to fix each other, come over_

_We don’t have to say forever, come over_

_You don’t have to stay forever, come over_

“I can’t do one night stands,” I told the radio. Of course the radio didn’t know about the three I’d already had and didn’t want to talk about. I thought for a moment about how the radio in my Nashville house knew and then realized that I was quite possibly losing my mind, so I pushed that thought away and pretended that I never thought it. I’d already had a one night stand with him, that wasn’t even the worst one though. I kept telling myself that being their Captain had nothing to do with how I came to have those other two affairs. And yes, they were affairs and no, I’m not proud of them. I didn’t tell the radio about them. I didn’t tell anyone about them.

_I told you I wouldn’t call, I told you I wouldn’t care_

_But baby climbing the walls gets me nowhere_

_I don’t think that I can take this bed getting any colder_

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over_

“I won’t do it,” I told the radio. I could hear Brooks’ sleepy chatter outside the door, they were home. No. My boys were home, he was just dropping them off. He’d leave, go back to that damn boat he’d rent for the month. And after that, he’d be back to Wisconsin or Minnesota and him. I tried to keep that in my mind. But I knew the boys would be put to bed and he’d stand there and look at me. And I knew this damn song would be playing in my head when he did. I knew I’d think about that night we spent together and the seven years we spent together and I wouldn’t be thinking about last July or this whole season for just a second. And I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to let those thoughts cross my mind again. I wanted to be as strong as I’d told my radio that I would be. I hoped I could be that strong just for tonight. I could deal with tomorrow then. I just had to lie to myself again. I had to tell myself that I didn’t care for one more night.

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over._

_Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over._

I shut the radio off and opened the door.


End file.
